Die Nacktbar » ESPNAfter a number of offseason moves

We are required to inform you that these Foretellings are works of satire and are not for the faint of heart. Due to their content they should not be read by anyone. Please enjoy at your own risk. -The EditorGreetings Womens Derek Carr Jersey , Raider Nation! It is I, the penny in your couch cushion, the Cheeto dust on your fingertips, the stray onion ring in your Burger King fries, Raiderdamus the Great and Powerful. I come to you today saddened not only by the Raiders, but by the fact that this may in fact be the final football game ever played at the mighty and decrepit Oakland Coliseum, a place as much a part of my childhood as I’m sure it was all of yours.The one thing that cheers up this old hermit is the fact that everyone will be spending Christmas with their families, which means fewer interlopers to bother me in my cave. The Raiders will play their game on Monday night, Christmas Eve, against hated division rival the Denver Broncos. Surely it will be a game and an experience that will never be forgotten. The Coliseum may be a shithole, but by God it is OUR shithole, and the pain of losing it will only be partially negated when the Raiders have their own new stadium with blackjack and hookers.But enough wistfulness, I have a job to do Womens Bo Jackson Jersey , and the Great Beyond has not neglected his duty this week. He has a very important Christmas Eve message for you all:“Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the TownThe fans were all dressed up like demonic clowns.Their makeup was done on their faces with careTo frighten the Donkeys, who soon would be there.The crowd was all nestled and snug in their seatsDrinking eight dollar Bud Lights and eating smoked meats.The spirit of Christmas was alive for the dayAs a small child yelled out, “Hey fuck you, Elway!”When on the gridiron there arose such a shoutJared Cook had got free on a ten-yard out route!He raced toward the end zone, the defense in towChris Harris blew a hamstring and was painfully slow.Case Keenum was helpless, getting sacked by the RaidersSo enraptured was he by the great Violator.Vance Joseph was fired by Smellway at halftimeUndone by the ladder he’d too quickly climbed.Derek Carr threw for 300 yards and three scoresWhile Keenum and Lindsay were nothing but bores.Hurst, Conley and Karl had all won the dayVance was tossed from a ‘copter right into the Bay.This last game in Oakland was artful and litWhile Donks fans all over had a conniption fit.Fans of the Silver and Black were in heavenAs disappointment was felt by Old Number Seven.After the game, such a sight in the skyAs Santa and his reindeer flew right on by!He tossed down some presents and said “Ho Ho Ho!Merry Christmas to all, and fuck the Broncos!”Raiders win, 29-19.” Raiders NewsJon Gruden on Raiders trading Khalil Mack: ‘I’m still sensitive about it’ - SFChronicle.comRaiders head coach Jon Gruden is still sensitive to the criticism he has received for..."Raiders NewsJon Gruden on Raiders trading Khalil Mack: ‘I’m still sensitive about it’ - SFChronicle.comRaiders head coach Jon Gruden is still sensitive to the criticism he has received for trading All-Pro pass-rusher Khalil Mack.Raiders still defending their trade of Khalil Mack to the Bears | Chicago Sun-TimesRaiders coach Jon Gruden was asked if the Bears' strong season and low pick changed how he viewed the trade.Jon Gruden refuses to say if Raiders contacted Steelers about Antonio Brown, but doesn't close door on trade - CBSSports.comWith three first-round picks, the Raiders are an intriguing potential trade partner in the Brown sweepstakesRaiders' Gruden Antonio Brown Raiders Jersey , Mayock look in synch at scouting combineIt's apparent by their interaction so far that coach Jon Gruden and new general manager Mike Mayock are good mix based on their personalities.2019 Free Agency: The 10 Players Raiders need to sign this offseasonKwon Alexander and Shane Ray headline list of 10 free agents the Raiders must sign this offseason.AFC WestOne year later, Chiefs’ Andy Reid reflects on the Patrick Mahomes Era - Arrowhead PrideHas it really just been a year since Patrick Mahomes became starting quarterback of the Chiefs?A necessary separation: Chiefs ready to move on from Justin Houston by starting trade talks with various teams – The AthleticJustin Houston's tenure with the Chiefs is likely over. Brett Veach hopes to trade Houston, who has the team's largest cap hit next season.Los Angeles Chargers leaving door open of possible return for VerrettThe Los Angeles Chargers are leaving the door open of a possible return for cornerback Jason Verrett.Chargers RB Melvin Gordon will wait and see on next contract – Orange County RegisterRunning back may become a free agent after making $5.6 million next season in the final year of his rookie dealElway, Broncos need their free-agency efforts to work this year - Denver Broncos Blog- ESPNAfter a number of offseason moves didn't work out last year, the Broncos have to be creative with cap money and nail these moves.Denver Broncos have fifth most dead money against salary cap in NFL - Mile High ReportThe Denver Broncos have gotten themselves into some salary cap issues on the dead money side of things in 2019.NFL NewsJason Witten ends retirement to return to Dallas Cowboys for 16th NFL season - CBSSports.comWitten retired last offseason to become an analyst on 'Monday Night Football,' but will now return to the field2019 NFL combine results: Live updates of Josh Jacobs and all RB, OL, ST workouts from Indianapolis - CBSSports.comFollow all the action from the NFL combine in Indianapolis on FridayRams may consider drastic option if Todd Gurley's knee regresses during offseason - CBSSports.comTodd Gurley's left knee is still an issue in Los AngelesNFL combine: D.K. Metcalf has 1.6 percent body fat, so here are photosThe Ole Miss wide receiver is turning heads. Jon Gruden is excited about him.NFL scouting combine: Josh Jacobs steps into the spotlight in IndyAlabama RB Josh Jacobs is drawing comparisons to Saints Pro Bowler Alvin Kamara, but it's not because of their running styles.